Feel Again
by Nicole Clark

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Young, freshly married, and pregnant with her first child, Nicole Clark is met with devastating news: she has cancer, stage 2B. Suddenly, amid the hope she feels for this new life, she finds herself face to face with death. This leads her to reflect on her childhood in rural New Brunswick, through her romance with her husband, to the unimaginable predicament she now faces. Only five days after the birth of her first child, Nicole starts chemo. This is only the beginning of the harrowing experience she must endure. As she raises her daughter, she must ferry herself to doctor’s appointments and chemo sessions, dealing with her husband’s long absences for work as he tries to make money to support them through what no one should have to experience. All the while, she is forced to wonder: will she be around to see her daughter grow up? Then comes the pain of missing Christmas with her daughter, of being unable to bring herself to take baby pictures because of how little she wants to be remembered this way, of having to conceal the hopelessness her sickness brings on. Nicole is forced to reckon with what really matters: time with her family, and the pleasure of a night without nausea or a shower without a medical incision. She learns what someone going through cancer most needs from others: just being there. And through this, her faith and compassion grow. Only two years after beating cancer the first time, Nicole relapses—and this time, it’s more aggressive. She is told she will never again have a child. But with faith, miracles can happen—and her life proves a testament to this elusive truth.

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“I read, wept, laughed, cheered, and thought ‘I love this woman.’ Thank you for trusting me with your wisdom.” —Sherry Fitch, Author “Such a powerful story of survival and much more; it cannot help but move your readers with all you endured, struggled through and more miraculously (it seemed to me) survived. Simply: wow.” —Sharon A Bray, EdD “I have worked in the young adult cancer world for almost two decades and I have heard a lot of stories. Cancer for young adults is not harder than kids or older adults, but it is different. Nicole’s story highlights many of these differences and will help others in similar situations feel less isolated and more connected to this community.” —Lesley Morrisey, Senior Manager of Operations for YACC

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An author, mother, wife, and cancer survivor, Nicole Clark was struck from the beginning of her encounter with the disease by the relative lack of resources out there for young people with cancer—especially pregnant women or new mothers. Finding most cancer literature geared toward older folks (or women with breast cancer), she set about writing her memoir. Her intention is to give hope and heart to those enduring a similar experience. With this, her first book, she intends to provide them with what she had needed: understanding, and the assurance we are not alone. Nicole has volunteered with Young Adults Cancer Canada in Newfoundland, another resource from which she hopes those in her situation can draw comfort. She now lives in Amherst, Nova Scotia, with her husband, Chance, daughter, Madison, and son, Mavrick.

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Nicole Clark