crash & bloom
A poetry collection of grief & gratitude
by Sara Machnik

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mama, am I going to make it, is it going to be okay will I lose my breasts, my hair, my eyelashes will I lose my identity, femininity, my dignity will I recognize myself in mirrors, in photos, in memories who will I become if I no longer look like your daughter mama, what do I make of this life that’s not my own Grief, loss, isolation, depression… what do you do when, as a young woman, a cancer diagnosis crashes into your life, taking away your identity and your vision of the future? Crash & Bloom charts the poet’s personal cancer experience as a young woman, in the middle of the pandemic, as she attempts to find her way forward. The poems in this collection are also a celebration—a celebration of life at its bare bones and the strength and grace that it’s possible to find in times of extreme challenge. Crash & Bloom is dedicated to those moving through the stages of grief, and as a validation of young people with cancer, especially women, to show them they are not alone and there is beauty, joy, and creativity on the other side. when I was shaken off my feet I fell to the ground looked up saw the stars the mountains & felt the bliss of absolute stillness in my soul

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Sara Machnik’s foray into writing poetry connected her with cancer patients worldwide. Diagnosed with breast cancer at age thirtyone, she completed surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation alone in the midst of the pandemic. Strict mandates during the global pandemic made it difficult to connect with other cancer rebels, friends, and family. In her own words, “My first poem I ever wrote was during chemotherapy. I’ve always had a love of words, yet I never considered writing poetry myself. I feel like it just poured out of me in the midst of chemotherapy and losing my hair, losing a lot of friends, losing what I felt like was my entire future.” Sara remains active in the cancer advocacy space and spends much of her time orchestrating events through Bloom Club. Co-founded alongside her friend Shanna, this charity is dedicated to fostering joy among self-identifying women who have encountered the challenges of cancer at a young age. Nestled in a serene waterfront haven on the shores of Lake Erie, Sara finds sanctuary alongside her partner, Mike, their cherished cat, Maui, and their adored rescue pup, Hudson. As she continues to navigate the ebbs and flow of life, Sara’s spirit and creative mind serve as a guiding light, inspiring countless souls along the way.

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Contributors

Author

Sara Machnik