The Yoga of Divorce
A Mindful Route to Resolving Disputes
by Mike MacConnell

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“So far lawyers are the only ones getting any money.” “There’s no middle ground. We only talk through lawyers.” “I open my mouth and we end up screaming at each other.” Sound familiar? What if there was a way to divorce with a minimum of hostility, time, and expense? It is attainable, even if you are working towards these goals without the cooperation of your spouse. The Yoga of Divorce advocates that we shift our reactions and embrace the notion of cooperative opposition, the idea that the same non-adversarial process that works on the yoga mat can be used at the negotiation table. The key to The Yoga of Divorce’s strategy is to 'park ego at the door'. If we stop trying to 'win' but instead seek a solution that is fair to both sides, we make much smoother progress. The mindful practice of cooperative opposition can simultaneously resolve physical stress and social conflict by intentionally balancing opposite forces. It might seem simple, but it takes conscious effort. We urgently need to make calm decisions at those times when being calm is most difficult—such as in the midst of emotional crisis. When stakes are highest we feel most triggered to attack. For the sake of our children, our wealth, and our personal well-being, we need to work past negative emotions and put ego in its place. Only then will we find lasting peace and amicable resolutions.

www.reflectivemediation.ca

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This masterful memoir guides you on a path of conflict transformation supported by the practical applications of yoga and mindfulness meditation. Written in a manor that is both honest and emotional, The Yoga of Divorce is a powerful reminder of the importance of self-care when directly engaging in conflict. Alicia Kuin, LL.M., Mediator; ADR Program Designer and Educator; Founder and Chair, Mediators Beyond Borders Canada. This is an absolutely brilliant book—integrating the wisdom of yoga, Buddhism and Taoism with the discoveries of neuroscience and psychology, all in the service of helping divorcing couples navigate the life-changing ordeal of divorce. It is by far the most helpful guide to divorce I have ever read. I will make it required reading for all my clients! Brian Muldoon – Mediator and Author of The Heart of Conflict, Putnam Press The Yoga of Divorce is an inspiring how-to-do-it manual for "conscious uncoupling". With practical to do lists, simple yoga and mindfulness practices to stay centred through the stress of it all, and the refreshingly wise perspective of a true mensch, we are instructively guided through a civilized co-opposition process of exiting a 25 year marriage. We are exposed to the fear and uncertainty as well as to the triumph of a couple committed to "disarming divorce" and splitting up in a non-toxic manner. Clearly written, the timeless wisdom that comes through on almost every page makes this book uplifting and hard to put down. Eli Bay, Founder, The Relaxation Response Institute Teacher, Consultant, Transformational Catalyst The Yoga of Divorce provides theoretical and physiological advice, offering a mindfully-based context for improving one’s response to stressful situations. I would feel confident recommending this book as an additional resource to augment both therapy and mediation. Nurit Adler, Psycho-therapist; Spec. Hon. BA, MA, RSW

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After graduating with a degree in World Religion Mike taught high school Philosophy, Phys. Ed. History and English before founding SOLA (School Of Liberal Arts) a private high school in Toronto which operated from 1989 until 2010. Navigation of his own divorce, as described in these pages, inspired him to become a certified family mediator and conflict management coach. In private practice as Reflective Mediation, Mike helps clients transform conflict into opportunities for understanding and growth. He lives with his second wife and standard poodle at Yoga Junction in Toronto. www.reflectivemediation.ca

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Contributors

Author

Mike MacConnell

Illustrations

Leann Parker

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