12 Weeks of Winter and Beyond
Uncharted Territory After Sudden Death
by Sandy McBay

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The death of a loved one is difficult for a myriad of reasons, and coming to terms with our grief demands attention and energy. Sudden, unexpected death can be challenging to negotiate and requires some different coping strategies. The simple word ‘disbelief’ can be a significant hurdle for months. Since each person’s grief response is highly personal and individual to them, this book is less prescriptive than it is one of honouring one person’s response to the sudden death of her husband. And while there are some common predictors in bereavement, the telling of one’s story is often the greatest healer.

www.seasonsofhealing.net

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As a bereavement support facilitator and palliative educator for the past 25 years, Sandy McBay has learned much from the folks who entrusted her with their sometimes intense grief after their loved one had died or as they were trying to prepare for their loved one to die. After her husband Rick’s death, many assumed with all that experience, that somehow her grief would be easier. Wouldn’t that be nice but what’s the saying, “Walk first in my moccasins?” In the early months there were so many “Aha” moments. Academically, Sandy surmised what to expect. After all, she had been suggesting the same to hundreds in her bereavement support groups, before Rick died. But the great gut reality moments were plentiful in those first 100 days. So often she would hear herself think or say, “Aaaah, THAT’S what ‘experts’ meant.” Sandy McBay combines the expertise of people in the field of bereavement with the wisdom of those who go through their grief in their own ways. Her own grief, imperfect as all grief journeys, shines a light of hope on a period of darkness in each of our lives. Her stories and those of people who shared their stories with her, are not a road map to grief but, rather, a shared experience of pain, joy, anger, forgiveness, regret and hope. Harry van Bommel, Legacies Inc. This book not only addresses the issues of those who have grieved but as well those who have had a very traumatic loss in their distant past. It will be helpful to those who will be facing the death of a dear loved one in the future. I was overwhelmed with grief reading Sandy’s story and it was impossible to put the book down as I needed to read how she handled each new challenge. Linda Minter, Retired Registered Nurse

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First time author Sandra (Sandy) Elizabeth McBay pays homage with this book to Rick, her husband of 35.5 years and the hundreds of people she has walked beside in palliative care and bereavement support. After the death of her parents in 1988, Sandy pursued palliative, contemplative end of life and bereavement education to satisfy the innate desire to help others with the most important final task of life – death, and those left behind to find their way without their loved ones. Sandy has been an educator of palliative visiting volunteers and a bereavement support facilitator for 25 years. She and her husband Rick had finally got to a place in their marriage where a deeper understanding of their lifetime commitment to each other was solidified and fun. When Rick died most suddenly and unexpectedly in 2010, Sandy’s new reality and her love for words compelled her to write this book. Sandy’s sons Brian and Terral have also found professions of helping others, and they with their wives and 5 children continue to give her joy.

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Contributors

Author

Sandy McBay

Artist

Floyd Elzinga

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