Mental(ish)
A Memoir of Insanity and the Search for Stability
by Melissa Pang Howard

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Mental(ish) is a raw and unflinching exploration of Melissa Pang Howard’s journey through c-PTSD, chronic illness, and medical negligence. Diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder at nineteen, she unravels the experiences that shaped her before and after her diagnosis, uncovering how childhood trauma and a rigid cultural and religious upbringing contributed to her struggles. With candor and vulnerability, Melissa examines the ways these early influences distorted her self-perception and fueled the challenges of living with a severe mood disorder. She shares the untold truths of navigating Bipolar 1—its volatility, its darkness, and its impact on her identity—while also highlighting the strategies, treatments, and personal revelations that have helped her not just survive but thrive. Mental(ish) is both a personal reckoning and a testament to resilience, offering insight, validation, and hope to those on similar paths.

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"Mental(ish) is an impactful memoir that offers a compelling look into the lived experience of mental illness and trauma from a mixed cultural lens. Melissa’s narrative serves not only as a personal catharsis, but also as a beacon of hope for others who might be navigating similar struggles. The book's honest portrayal of difficult topics makes it a valuable read for those interested in mental health, trauma recovery, and the impact of cultural and familial dynamics on personal identity." Royce Tucker, BA (Hons) Psychology., M.C. Counselling Psychology., RP., C.C.C. Registered Psychotherapist "Mental(ish) is an incredibly immersive experience in revealing the emotional depths of trauma and mental illness. Melissa Howard brings both rawness and tenderness to her vulnerability, as she shares the lifelong impact of family and culture, much of which I could painfully relate to myself. Her keen awareness of cultural identity reminds us of the complexity and nuances that inform who we are today. To be invited into her world is a gift, where we are shown we can be freed from the battles within ourselves and live a life in which we are thriving, not just surviving." Lauren Yang, PsyD - Clinical psychologist with bipolar lI disorder, Associate Board President in the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, Education and Training Council Co-Chair in the Asian American Psychological Association. "Mental(ish) challenges readers to examine how mental health is constructed within medical, social, nuclear normative and religious discourses—systems of power that uphold ideological and unattainable norms, often at great cost. Through her vulnerable and courageous story, Melissa Pang Howard invites us to disrupt sanist narratives surrounding mental anguish. She urges us to reconnect with our shared humanity—to feel the strength, pain, courage, love, and joy woven throughout her journey." Sherry Barrett MSW, RSW, PhD (c), AccFM

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Melissa Pang Howard is a blogger for the International Bipolar Foundation (ibpf.org), where she shares her lived experiences and the tools that have helped her maintain stability. She has volunteered with The Canadian Roadmap for Bipolar Disorder, a CREST.BD initiative focused on developing a consensus on psychosocial care and research for people with bipolar disorder. This project brings together individuals with lived experience, researchers, and other stakeholders in a deliberative dialogue. Melissa is also a panelist for the bipolar AMA on Reddit, the largest global team of bipolar disorder experts. This collaborative includes 70 panelists from 13 countries, ranging from psychiatrists and psychologists to scientists, researchers, and individuals living with bipolar disorder, all representing the CREST.BD network. Melissa has recently taken on a new volunteer role with Postpartum Support International (PSI) www.postpartum.net as a peer mentor. In this position, she provides support to mothers and their families through the perinatal and postnatal journey. PSI offers direct peer support, trains professionals, and connects families to vital resources. Through her work, Melissa is helping others navigate the challenges of this vulnerable time, offering the kind of guidance she wishes was available to her during her own experience. Melissa lives in Toronto with her spouse, two children, and adored dog. You can find Melissa on Instagram @mindful_movement_for_mania

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Contributors

Author

Melissa Pang Howard

Illustrator

Nicholas Donovan Mueller